This weekend I had a realisation– more often than not , while we’re so busy trying to be perfect and appear flawless…we sometimes put on the same front for ourselves. Appearing ‘perfect’ for someone else is fine, but conning yourself into believing that all is well, is delusional, silly and can be downright harmful.
In my life, I’ve always tried to appear the trooper, someone totally in control and someone who needs little to no help. And sometimes, especially on the difficult days I have my guard up so high, I almost believe it. But the week had been long and tiring and the weekend came as a welcome respite and for the first time in a long time, I was truly honest with myself – about my fears, the pain, my negative habits and the mean voices in my head. And as I talked about them with the husband, who, is my biggest confidante, my best friend and long time sufferer of me :); I became calmer and stronger and less afraid.
We build walls around us to mask who we truly are because we feel the world won’t like us and then over time, some times we forget who we truly are behind those very high walls. And it may take more than a few moments for you to find out who you really are, flaws and all; once the mask is removed. But every so often it’s important you do that, and lay yourself bare, if not for someone else, but at least for yourself. It is the most incredibly cathartic, terrifying and completely freeing thing you will ever do.
This weekend was long, scary and wonderful for me.
It opened me up to a week where I start to build my walls all over again, but I’ve decided to acknowledge the walls this time, acknowledge that I’m building up a shield , so that may be I can keep a small door open at the side, to allow me to still know and recognise and most importantly love my true self.
P.s.(Palat says)-: There will always be those that judge you… don’t stand behind them in line…Find your own cheerleader and if that’s hard to find then be your personal cheerleader!
“And it may take more than a few moments for you to find out who you really are, flaws and all;”…… these ‘few moments’ some times take months, years…..but when that moment comes it really is refreshing.